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Cartoon Network Sharks
I was going to write this month about the power of word-of-mouth advertising, using that famous legend involving Richard Gere as an example, but P.E.T.A. got wind of it and threatened a boycott. So we're changing subjects. We're going to talk about authenticity.
A few years ago, I decided to hire a guide to dive with sharks while I was in the Bahamas. It sounded dangerous, life affirming. It came with a video that I could show my friends to give them further proof that I'm fearless.
Ten of us got boated out ¼ mile from shore and were lowered 40 feet down to the bottom of the ocean. The guides attached a huge "chumcicle" to a cement block on the bottom of sea.
Within three minutes, dozens of white-tipped sharks appeared, biting away at the chum. Now, I watch the Discovery Channel. I've seen sharks. These weren't Discovery Channel sharks. These were Oxygen Channel sharks and Cartoon Network sharks.
These were some of the laziest, rattiest looking sharks I've ever seen. Half of the sharks must have been wearing dentures, looking more like "Deliverance" sharks than "Jaws" sharks.
Twice a day for the past 15 years, this same group of sharks has come to the same spot at the same time for the same meal. They know the deal. They know what's expected of them. It felt more like a ride at Disneyland than a he-man's adventure. It wasn't authentic.
At William Berry Campaigns, Inc. we struggle to find the best ways to present authentic messages to voters about our candidates and ballot measures. Voters want the political candidates and ballot measures that they support to be authentic. They can smell a phony. Phonies have that Aqua Velva smell to them.
In his latest State of the Union speech, George W. Bush talked about ending Americans' dependency on oil and soon afterwards partook in a few photo ops at an alternative energy company.
But everyone… and I mean everyone… knows Bush is an oil man. He's Texas. His idea of alternative energy is allowing a gay guy to pump his gas. Americans didn't buy it. Not authentic.
John Kerry saluted before he took the stage at the Democratic Convention. Kerry was a true war hero…in 1969. But then he became an anti-war peace activist…in 1972.
The Kerry that ran for President was closer in age to his anti-war activism than his war valor. Touting his Vietnam service wasn't how Kerry wanted to portray himself. It was no longer authentic to him or many Americans.
This year, both Republicans and Democrats have been searching for Iraqi war veterans that they can field as candidates for Congress.
Chris Matthews had three of them on his show last month, three good looking, clean-cut guys in their 30s. As each of them began to speak, they rattled off the various talking points from their party as they talked about health care, the economy and education.
They spouted the exact same clichéd responses that all of us have heard on these radio and TV shows for the past decade. With their dire need to "stay on message," these three Iraq War veterans sounded exactly like candidates who weren't veterans. They had been stripped, or managed out, of their authenticity.
To be brutally honest, our company is guilty of pushing the limits of authenticity. Invariably in every campaign, our candidate clients do a photo shoot showing them speaking with a group of senior citizens.
As if any senior voter is going to think that a 30 year old attorney running for Congress in Marin County is going to know what the aches of morning arthritis feels like, or the worry of combining apples and dentures or someone whose Social Security check is lost in the mail.
No 30-year-old candidate this side of Anna Nicole hangs around with a group of 80 year olds in real life. It's not authentic. Neither is a real estate developer running on a platform of slowing growth.
As anyone who watches BET Television knows, two years ago McDonalds began to target young, “urban” consumers. Their commercials featured black youths (and one guy straight out of the Offspring’s “Too Fly” video), rap music and a celebration of the hip hop culture. McDonald’s longed to be hip.
Can you authentically make fast food hip? McDonald’s is giving it a try…starting with P. Diddy’s Sean John and Tommy Hilfiger designing the employees uniforms, because you can’t spell authentic without Diddy.
Here’s a handy little guide to the world of authenticity. Keep it in your top drawer or pocket. Download it to your hardrive. Listen to it on your IPod. Refer to it as you wish.
| The Real Thing | Fakers and Posers |
| Billy Graham | Ralph Reed |
| Hank Williams Sr. | Hank Jr. |
| Indoor soccer | Arena football |
| Bill O’Reilly | Sean Hannity |
| Mary Kate | Ashley |
| American Idol | Skating with the Stars |
| Hope, Arkansas | Midland, Texas |
| Volvo | SAAB |
| The Real World | Big Brother |
| 7th Inning Stretch | Super Bowl Halftime Show |
| Ash | Aluminum |
| Chico, CA | Phoenix, AZ |
| The 415 area code | The 510 area code |
| No-Lookee Indian | Texas Hold 'em |
| Cab | Merlot |
| War in Iraq | War in Afghanistan |
| The Ramones | Sum 41 |
| Courtney Love | Kelly Osbourn |
| Willard Scott | Al Roker |
| Chris Rock | Sinbad |
| Reno, NV | Monte Carlo Night at the Lodge |
| National League Baseball | American League Baseball |
| Mississippi | Florida |
| Cassius Clay | Clay Aiken |
| K-Mart | Target |
| Used cars | Certified pre-owned cars |
| Budweiser | Zima |
| Shrek | Ice Age |
| Catfish | Chilean Sea Bass |
Send your list of "authentics" to me at bill@wbcampaigns.net. Really.